Dad doesn’t like kids either.

In case anyone would like to know… I saw a single shoe on the side of the highway today.  Just an update.

So now, on to bigger and better things. I promised a certain topic of discussion for today. That’s right… what the hell padre really wants on father’s day. Honestly, I do not really know the answer to this question. I didn’t embark on a vast mission asking each and every father I came across. I can rather confidently assume, though, that dad does not want another ugly tie that is just going to hang in his closet for years to come like Miss Havisham’s wedding dress; only the unworn version.

Imagine this as dad... in a tie.

Imagine this as dad... in a tie.

Who decided being called “dad” everyday wasn’t enough and that there needed to be a specific day addressed to him, and him alone? I’m not trying to sound ridiculously snooty here, but the last time I checked there wasn’t a “daughter’s” or “son’s” day. There is a grandparent’s day, but even that is under celebrated and I can’t even tell you the date of that off the top of my head. If everyone else reading this does know the date, please give me a swift slap on the wrist and then enlighten me as to the date. Thank you. Moving on.

The fact remains that there IS a father’s day, and we ARE expected to purchase gifts. American societal standards have somehow morphed into the norm of appropriate father’s day gifts being ties, shirts, and awkward pleated pants. Uh, no. I’m certainly no dad, but if I had to think about it and put myself in his place this is what I picture the scenario looking something like:

“Here we go, another father’s day, another set of grill tools. I don’t even want to get out of bed. For crying out loud, will my wife just give herself the gift of some skimpy new lingerie? Maybe some leather bondage goods to go along with it? That’s all I friggen want. Then she can serve me beer, chips, and pizza while I watch the US Open. Actually, make that me and my buddies. Yea, that’s what I would like. After that she can cook me dinner while I go hit on some girls at the bar who are way too young for me and my pals. Why the hell am I even married? You know what, get me a damn divorce how about that. So I can have my life back. That would be one hell of a gift! I’ll tell ya. Oh God, what’s that noise? My kids. My Satan spawned children are coming. Why am I here?? Why do I have children? I wish father’s day didn’t exist….”

Um, yea so no one kill me for that. Just my thoughts. I’m going to go vomit.

Quickly departing from that topic and buzzing forth to the next one. Do you ever watch a music video that you IMMEDIATELY want to be in? A video that makes you just want to reach through the screen, violently tear the artist from the picture, and insert yourself instead? Better yet, not only do I frequently envision this, I completely believe it would be even more fulfilling if your life broke out into a scene from a music video in the middle of the day and you continued on in that fashion until the song was over. It would be completely and utterly normal. No one would question you about it. Oh yea, everyone else around you can totally see this happening. It’s not in the least bit mentally internal.

The music video that made me remember and rekindle this immaculate desire of mine was Jordin Spark’s “Battlefield” video/song. Not only do I feel the song is fantastic, but the video is… majestic. Yes. Majestic. I want to be in that amazing flowing dress in the middle of a, dare I say it? Battlefield. I want to frolic gallantly through the lighted billowing smoke of love and war. This is one of those videos that would be best to occur during the middle of my dreary day. I can picture it now: walking down the street in the middle of town and BAM! Music video magic. I will go and get my armour, thank you very much. And while I’m at it, I’ll tell ya why Love always feels like a battlefield.

Insert my face here. And less blurry.

Insert my face here. And less blurry.

So, assuming you’re still reading and these extremely weird and random topics haven’t scared you away… as always let me know what you think 🙂 I’m sure I’m not the only one who has thought these things before!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to recreate some music videos in the back yard. Ta ta!

Here\’s the video for those of you who have no idea what I\’m talking about


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. odintangvald
    Jun 22, 2009 @ 08:06:36

    I am going to vomit tambien.


  2. mary
    Jun 22, 2009 @ 17:22:50

    I don’t think you could have said it better. I could not have said what dad wants for father’s day any better myself. haha. including the vomiting at the end. Also, I know exactly what you mean about the music video interjected into your day, especially during the blah parts. I checked out the video and the part close to the end with the smoke and lights would be amazing. If i could sing I would most definitely have a music video like that. Actually, can we make one anyways during our visit? That would be fantastic.


  3. mary
    Jun 22, 2009 @ 17:44:46

    ps i wouldnt mind rollin in that ride either


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