Why make a good commercial when you could have a bad one?

Unfortunately the hustle and bustle of daily life has inhibited my ability to write for a few days. For that, I am sorry. So suck it 🙂

Apology accepted, obviously; so moving on.

I was watching TV last night and one of those assanine commercials for some prescription drug came on the television. As I was watching I found my mind scrambling off and wondering who the hell creates the plots for these commercials? They really are the most ridiculous things and I don’t know how they could possibly entice anyone to ask about the product. Instead of thinking that the drug may help them, I feel like everyone should probably be questioning what is wrong with the people in the commercial and are they acting that way because of this drug.

The one I was watching that caused me to start on this mental rant was one for severely dry eyes. The woman complaining about her normal eye drops (because her life is oh-so-difficult) was speaking to her eye doctor who happens to be some hot, 20-something year-old, smoky voiced, red head woman. I’m pretty sure 1 out of 100 people’s doctor looks like that (if you even have a consistent eye doctor). To seal the deal on the commercial, the closing lines revolve around the Dr. reassuring her whiney patient that she uses the prescription eye drops as well. “Once a day, everyday.” Sorry, just checking, but isn’t that just a little bit redundant? On top of that, I couldn’t stop laughing because it reminded me of the Sex Panther cologne scene in Anchorman. “60% of the time, it works every time.”

I should really start compiling a list of all my favorites, but here are some others I thought about off the top of my head…

Just when you thought the Viagra commercials were enough, they come out with “Enzyte” and happy-go-lucky Bob. Complete with the creepy “I’m going to rape you” permanent smile and a jovial jaunt because, let’s face it, who doesn’t look like that when they may or may not have an enlarged permanent erection? What also gets me with this commercial is that Bob here is not all that attractive. Maybe to some people, but I wouldn’t put him at the top of everyone’s list. Despite this, he always has women lined up around the block to “sit on santa bob’s lap”. So now, this commercial is also saying that women only like men who have giant you know what’s. That’s cool; I appreciate the insinuated shallow appearance and solely sex oriented display of women. It’s completely realistic. Wait until they find out Bob’s a fake.

"I have a fake boner!"

"I have a fake boner!"

I wish I could remember the name for this one, but you all should hopefully know what I’m talking about. My next favorite is the “birth control pill” (I think it may be Yasmin?) that isn’t really a birth control pill. Oh you’re confused? Don’t worry. My friends and I will explain the entire purpose of the pill while we’re sitting here in this night club. If the point of the drug isn’t enough, don’t sweat it. We’ll also tell you its possible side effects, when you should take it, who to talk to if you want it, and oh, maybe you shouldn’t take it with alcohol. Only we can… because we’re at a night club. As far as I know, whilst attending a club, one does not usually break down the ins and outs of a prescription drug, and if he or she tried to, the friend’s of said person a) probably wouldn’t be able to hear and b) wouldn’t give two shits. Even with all this being said, make sure you put out ANOTHER commercial a little while later explaining it even further at another (or the same) club because consumers obviously didn’t get its purpose the first time and you still want to be witty. No, sorry to break it to you, but you aren’t fooling me when you’re having a friendly conversation with your friends and suddenly sound like the “Drug Facts” label on the side of a box.

HA HA! Update! I was Google-stalking pictures for these things and I have encountered something very interesting. The dry-eye stuff is called “Restasis”. The doctor? She’s legit. Well, at least according to their website. So, there’s your 1 in 100. Now go count 100 more and see what you get.

"I already took my Restasis today. That's today's once a day, every day."
“I already took my Restasis today. That’s today’s once a day, every day.”
Ooh, let’s also note that at their website you can watch the commercial if you really care that much.
Well, that’s it from me for right now. Let me know what you think about these commercials too! I feel like it could get wicked entertaining especially if you have other things too that drive you nuts about them. Or maybe you like them as hard to believe as that is 😉

7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Simone DiSalvo
    Jun 26, 2009 @ 17:03:19

    It was for Yaz…..and i mean as far as i know it works haha


  2. odintangvald
    Jul 07, 2009 @ 13:15:57

    I really have to wonder sometimes if that would even be possible. Count to 100, and there you go, smokin’ red head with jazz pipes. I’m putting money on the fact it’d be the same doctor you’d find. But that’s just me.

    Just for the record, I thought you’d like to know that the guy who actually invented and produced Enzyte is now being held on federal fraud charges. How’s that for a boner-shrinker? Methinks he won’t be needing any of his own drug where he’s going.

    Oh, also, on the note of stereotypes.. .Apparently along with women being purely sexual beings that are in constant need of pleasure, as that commercial would lead us to believe. Mind you, women ALL want to sit on Santa’s lap like all good little god-fearing people. Never mind that rapist smile, he’s got toys! Oh, and golf clubs! Oh, and a sports car!

    (Imagine what you would get if you combined all of Bob’s commerical’s together. What exactly IS his profession?)

    Also, everybody in this commercial seems to be lacking the hand control and fore-thought for the simple pleasures in life, as in, I don’t know, things such as masturbation. On the same token, Men are purely limp-dick, embarrassed heathens or jovial rapists with raging hard-on’s.

    I smell a touch football game in the works!


  3. Mel
    Jul 08, 2009 @ 16:44:21

    This comment is brilliance. Well said! All of it!

    And why is this man going to jail?? What’s up with the Enzyte?


  4. Jenna
    Aug 27, 2009 @ 14:37:11

    I particularly laugh at the Restasis commercial, because the Doctor seems to be on the verge of laughing at something the entire time, through speech and just plain video ‘action’ segments.

    Also, the old lady in the commercial is complaining about how normal eye drops don’t ever works, yet acts shocked, saying “A prescription? What do I have?”

    The whole thing really is a joke…you should watch it and just laugh at everything that is wrong with it.


  5. Swamp Thing
    Dec 31, 2009 @ 14:17:50

    I think the doctor in the Restasis commercial must have soaked her entire face in Bo Tox prior to filming the commercial.

    Watch it – she has NO wrinkles and her face doesn’t move the entire time. What the hell kind of doctor finishes med school without wrinkles?


  6. Kathy
    Jan 20, 2010 @ 17:31:01

    The commercial with the Doctor and frumpy patient makes my skin crawl. The frumpy one hangs on her every word, and the Doctor seem s to glide along the hall like a robot. When was the last time any doctor walked you to the door?


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