Are you a frequent victim of BES?

Hello. It has been a while.

There is a reason for my unannounced hiatus from this blog so don’t jump all over me yet. A few of my wonderful friends from Wooster came to spend a week (and then some) with me here in Boston. It was an amazing time and since I was so busy having far too much fun I did not get to write at all. If you forgive me is up to you, if you choose to accept the challenge, and I only pray that you have mercy on my soul and the fun it was having. Thank you. Amen.

See? So much fun that one of us lost her own body!

See? So much fun that one of us lost her own body!

Onward to more valiant things!

I’ve recently realized something. It’s actually quite tragic and I feel that many people unknowingly fall under its domination and will without realizing it. I think it’s fair to call it a disease, or a syndrome. Yes, syndrome sounds more appropriate… not to mention cooler. This syndrome that I speak of is:

or BES for short. Like the cow. Only without the other “S”. Moo.

Please do not shudder back in complete and sheer terror. Speaking the name of this horrible affliction may cause some to run to the nearest pantry due simply to the combination of the words, but it does not mean the same thing will necessarily happen to you. We need to be educated in order to overcome, and avoiding its name like it’s Voldemort will do nothing for the cause.

BES most commonly wreaks its havoc upon its innocent victims in the later hours of the evening. Particularly either a while after dinner or directly following dinner if one has nothing to do and the dinner was rather unsubstantial. The attacks usually start off very subtly and the victim tends to believe they are simply having a few chocolate chips or animal crackers as a light dessert or late night snack.

What happens next is the combination of boredom and a “phantom” unsatiable appetite.

Said victim will be mindlessly clicking through TV channels, stalking facebook to levels of over-stalk-age, or cleaning things that are already clean. Once the victim takes that first innocent bite; the frenzy ensues. For some scientifically unknown reason, the syndrome will attack the victim’s brain and make the victim believe they need to eat more and that eating is actually curing their boredom. Suddenly watching that episode of the Surreal Life you’ve already seen three times sounds like fun because, hey, you’ve got your giant bowl of coco puffs which was preceded by 6 french toast sticks, a grilled cheese, and some cornbread.

The victim only realizes what has happened when they are bloated to the size of a woman about to give birth to sextuplets and they cannot possibly ingest another iota of food. There is no turning back, and BES has stricken again. Even worse than the night of the attack is the morning after. If you are a healthy eater, regularly exercise, and rarely pig out you are going to want to avoid any type of early morning physical activity. I will abstain from graphic details in case children are reading, but be warned; Montezuma will have his revenge and it will be inside your bowls.

No really. You WILL look like this.

No really. You WILL look like this.

There are only a few ways to combat this tragic syndrome and if you are reading this, take action now.

  1. Eat a healthy yet decent portioned satisfying dinner
  2. Keep yourself occupied at all times. Get a hobby if you must.
  3. No. The fridge is NOT speaking to you. If you begin to think your food storage units are beckoning you, go to bed. You will thank yourself the next day for the good nights sleep and save yourself from BES at the same time.

I think I have done all I can for now. Just remember to stay alert at all times.

You never know when BES could attack.


(feel free to share any personal and/or epic BES stories you or someone you know has had. Talking can help erase pent up nightmarish memories.)



4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Simone DiSalvo
    Jul 08, 2009 @ 16:23:28

    yeaa…..i think BES can also attack in form of procrastination. Example: while in ireland writing my many final papers BES attacked. I had just eaten a ginormous plate of pasta and decided that i was going to get back to writing.
    10 min. later i walked to centra (a local convince) and decided to do some grocery shopping basically out of boredom. I got home and said…time to get back to work.
    Then it happened….in a matter of hours I had downed a bag of chips (and i’m not talking those little ones) and three bags of uncle ben’s microwavable rice.
    needless to say i never finished my paper that night.


  2. Mel
    Jul 08, 2009 @ 16:42:32

    Yes Simone. Perfect example. I’m so sorry for your attack; that was a hefty one.


  3. odintangvald
    Jul 09, 2009 @ 08:43:26

    I’ll be brief this time, I swear.

    I shit you not, (heh, all I can think about now is yelling “REVENGE” in the office.) I eat when I’m bored all the time. Except I do it with Protein bars or granola, which honestly is the more evil of the two snacks. I’ll give you a play by play on this one.

    10:00 pm – Hunger sets in. (Yes, just like pirate doldrums.) though I just had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with enough peanut butter to staunch bleeding for most major open wounds.

    10:01 pm – I have opened my snack drawer whilst still wrestling with the idea of if I really want to eat anything right now. I think it a proper argument to find something to eat while contemplating if I really want something to eat.

    10:06 pm – Wait, what?

    10:07 pm – I have consumed an entire bag of Bare Naked granola.

    10:12 pm – Granola expanding. Oxygen decreasing. Room spinning.

    10:15 pm – In a prompt 15 minutes, I have K.O’d myself with a bag of granola.


    • Mel
      Jul 09, 2009 @ 14:58:51

      That was an epic story and I must say your line “enough peanut butter to staunch bleeding for most major open wounds” has me laughing very hard in the middle of work.

      I have not experienced this “granola explosion” but I can say that I have had Bare Naked granola and it is very good.

      Thanks for this story; it will serve as warning to all other granola munchers.


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