So today’s post is going to be a quickie. Get your minds out of the gutter… a quickie because I’m on restricted time. Why is that? Because I am joining the ranks of those who are privileged enough to see the new Harry Potter movie at 12 o’clock this evening. I know. Really. Try to contain yourself.
Moving forth into the world of words…
I’m a fan of away messages on my screen name. I don’t just sign off because what’s the point if I can easily leave a simple calling card of the 21st century or even better have everything sent to my phone? When I do elect to dance with an away message I usually either throw something really simple up such as a “brb” or a “dinner”. Sometimes I’ll get a good sentence of lyric from a song that has caressed my ears with delight. And when I’m in the mood it will be something as nonsensical as “You look like Mr.Tumnus”. Whatever I choose, though, is direct and to the point. That’s all it needs to be. I mean everyone gets this, right? Oh no; hideously wrong.
This post is to all of you out there who think that everyone on your buddy list who happens to make the click of doom upon your profile and, therefore, reads your away status, WANTS to actually know what the next 5 hours of your day looks like. For example:
TIME OUT MY HAMSTER JUST LEGITIMATELY SCREAMED!
Sorry, I’m back. As I was saying… here is an example away message from hell (screen name altered for privacy purposes and away message exaggerated for the sole purpose of reader entertainment and enjoyment):
auto response from xobeachbabii43234xo: just woke up! Totes most def eating breakfast, brushing my teeth, taking a dump, shower, putting on my clothes and makeup, then mall, mani/pedi, chillin’ with the GiRlIeZz, then bbak laterZ. Cell me! Plans?!?!?!?!?!?!? 555-555-5555.
Right... something like that.
Awesome, right? Because now, if I wanted to ask you something super important, not only do I have your cell number in case it wasn’t already in my phone, (because friend’s don’t usually have their friend’s number and complete strangers will want to call you, duh) but I pretty much know EXACTLY where you will be until you “come bak laterZ”. Also, if I do actually happen to have plans that I would like to share with you, I am going to opt to leave them on your amazingly asinine away message instead of using the number you’ve so generously provided me with. That way I know I can harass myself with the delay of your response because you will not, in fact, be checking that away message and said possible plans until you get back from your thrill of a day that I am SO JEALOUS I am not experiencing as well. This whole set up is just too perfect to handle!
Of course, I could just opt not to read those away messages, but once you click it’s like a train wreck and you can’t tear your poor burning eyes away. Just like that 30 seconds of your life is being sucked down the drain of ignorant away messages.
I do have to say that this type of away message plague does seem to taper down on the levels of extremity as one moves out of middle school and into sophomore or junior year of high school. Unfortunately, there will always be those who suffer this vomit of the fingers forever, and for them we can only pray.
Does this bother any of you as much as it does me? Or am I just an insensitive scrooge? Do tell 😉
Your Mom Goes to College 
Jul 15, 2009 @ 08:14:12
Call me a the preverbal english major grammar Nazi, but anyone who inadvertently capitalizes letters or “lol”-speaks about how they’ll “Bbak laterz” should be locked in a basement and flogged. With random farm animals.
Now-a-days, if anything I come across has a Z in it, specifically referencing a person’s state of being or consciousness, I disregard everything they hold dear and promptly turn the first picture I can find of them into a “Lolzcat.” or a “Demotivator.”
I am such a nerd I can taste it in my teeth.