Git off muh street before I git you!

I have officially relocated. Instead of posts being brought to you straight out of MA I am now in O-H-I-O. Back at Wooster and loving it 🙂 Between preseason and classes starting again, telling you all I’ve been “busy” would be somewhat of an understatement. Now that I’m getting into the flow of things again I can share with all of you a life altering experience I had last night. One most certainly for the record books.

My School!

My School!

Thanks to a few of my friends, I have learned that Longboarding in Wooster at night is a very good time. There are great hills, and when you go late enough there are minimal cars on the road to contend with. Last night kick started the late night riding in Wooster with a bang to say the least.

I met up with my friends Sam and Abe and we rode over to a street called Spink Street. This street has always notoriously been one of the sketchiest roads in Wooster (drugs, crazies, run down houses) but it is also one of the best continuous prolonged hills. So slap those two on a scale and see how it balances out. Longboarding > personal safety. Run #1 down the hill – injury strikes. Abe unfortunately hits a patch of *expletive* gravel and lands on his elbow hard. Since Sam has bombed ahead, I wait with Abe and we begin to walk down the hill towards where Sam is coming back to meet us. As this is happening, a girl standing on her front porch with her friends or family starts yelling at us. I will continue in a moment with the story, but let me illustrate this creature for you:

This girl is hefty. Not only is she hefty, she is wearing black basketball shorts with a nike football t-shirt with the sleeves cut off like someone was doing it with their eyes closed. Her hair looks as if a rat was taking shelter in it for years and she was sporting an almost continual crazed grin. She was definitely drunk, or high, or both. No offense, but basically the epitome of white trash. Anyway…

This girl starts to call me and Abe out for “being on her street”. Saying “youu don’t belong here, git off muh street before I git youu.” As she is calling us out she proceeds down her front stairs and gets on a BMX bike that does not look like it is appreciating her weight atop its wobbly seat at all. I could practically hear it calling for help from underneath the abyss that was her ass. She begins to ride at us, circling us like we were her prey. She keeps yelling the same things with a few choice friendly words thrown in and we just ignore her and keep walking. By this time, another friend of mine, Rob, had shown up and as he’s flying down the hill with no idea what’s going on she swerves her bike of doom at him and nearly takes him out as he has to quickly manuever away.

Once we escape her we stop on the side of the road and Abe calls it a night since his arm is basically immobilized from the pain. We found out later that Abe did indeed break his elbow 😦 When Abe had left, Sam, Rob, and I finished the run and walked back up the hill again. We then decided to go down another time since it wasn’t that late. Sam went first, then Rob, and then I brought up the rear. They fly ahead and I’m cruising at a pretty decent speed as well with a good sized gap in between us. This is when I see it. Out from the shadows of the house comes crazy girl again on her bike. I jump off my board and Sam and Rob start flying back up the hill to where me and this girl are. She starts freaking out at us again with a lot of the same trash as before until she starts turning her insults at me. Apparently, in case I don’t broadcast it well enough on my own and none of you already know; I am a slut as well as a, and I quote, “cum dumpster”, “cum bubble” (what IS that?!), and something else with the ‘C’ word.” We are all also “slow” and she could “git us on hur bike.”

Ignoring that this picture is a joke; it really is the closest thing I could find on Google Images to visually describing her.

Ignoring that this picture is a joke; it really is the closest thing I could find on Google Images to visually describing her.

Sam, avoiding the temptation to crack this girl a swift one with his board, resorts to taking the high road and telling her to go back to high school. This is where crazy girl sums up the whole night perfectly herself without even knowing it. She responds to Sam’s comment with:

“I ain’t even in high school. I’m TWELVE.”

So no longer are we just dealing with crazy girl. She is now crazy cracked-out TWELVE year-old girl. With that statement, we all just get on our boards and ride away from this girl as quickly as we can. We reach a set of lights and stop, but as we do so a Boxer comes flying out of the yard next to us, unleashed, and viciously barking. I am convinced I am never making it back alive, but somehow Rob knows how to threaten dogs into submission and scares the thing away. Thank you Rob.

We ended our run, and walked back up the hill towards the dorms. On the way we did pass a kid riding a skateboard down the sidewalk. This would be normal if the sidewalks were not made of dislodged brick, gravel, and pot-hole riddled pavement. When Sam cautioned the kid about the severity of the sidewalks the kid grins and says, “Yeauh well you got them big wheels!”. Don’t ask me how this matters when we’re riding in the street.

When sitting around the Thanksgiving table this year, I am not going to have a single problem deciding on what I am thankful for. Thank you, Spink Street, for not taking my life.

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